Girl, Wash Your Face - By Rachel Hollis
Not too long ago I was talking with a friend about one of the difficulties of losing a parent is that they are your biggest cheerleader and your witness to things you have endured, persevered and accomplished in your life. As we were talking the following thoughts instantly came to my mind:
The decade I spent volunteering my time as a full-time youth director with teenagers in middle school and high school. We are talking, I made myself available to them 24/7 (truth be told, and an unknown tidbit to them, I stayed home to go to college because I thought if I go away who would be there for them). From late night calls to meet them at the hospital for emergencies and attending plays and recitals and sporting events, to preparing weekly lesson plans, overseeing conferences to help them grow, putting together monthly service projects, taking them on trips 3 times a year, and so much more…I cherished every moment of being entrusted as their leader. I genuinely cared for them, ached with them and loved them more than they’ll ever know.
The decade I spent volunteering my time as a part-time drama director creating skits, writing cantatas, directing 7 dinner theaters and even teaching weekly classes. I have always had a love for the stage…of stepping into another’s shoes and playing the role of a character whom I had to bring to life. Seeing the smiles on people’s faces as they enjoyed watching what was your hard work and many hours put into a project. Seeing the sense of pride in those who I was honored to lead as they finished their final night, hit all their cues, and even made audiences laugh, cry and enjoy the presentation. I was honored to have a local college television class ask to film some of our dinner theater for practice and even had city officials hear of our plays and attend.
The traveling I was able to do for one of my jobs and how fast I made my name in the company at such a young age. Being able to fly out early morning to California, sit in a high rise conference room with a gorgeous view of the ocean to collaborate with those who truly valued my input and ideas, then fly home in time for dinner all while a work-paid Starbucks in my hand. Pre-children I was all about that power woman go-go lifestyle and thrived on the adventure of hotel stays, leading meetings, and helping others’ businesses grow and succeed.
The women’s retreats I used to oversee – coordinating 25+ women flying out of town for a whirlwind of an adventure including car rentals, hotel night stays, conferences, meals and adventures, to then come home and have my dad sit and want to soak up everything I told him about how well the weekends would go and where we saw God throughout the time away.
The trips I’ve been able to experiences with my family, the first 30 years of my life all of us serving together as a pastor’s family – doing food pantries, serving meals under the viaduct, visiting homes, taking meals, serving on missions trips, being by bedsides, writing notes, singing together, and just being together.
Then of course there are the heartaches. The health issues I’ve had. The scares that have come my way. The things I’ve braved, endured, and courageously fought. The many times I’ve gotten up when Satan tried to keep me down.
As these (and more) things came to my mind I made the comment to her, “I’ve lived the best years of my life” and I even later questioned, “What is my purpose from here?” Thankfully, she is a bold friend who’s willing to look a lie straight in the eyes and speak truth to it as she said, “do NOT limit a limitless God!” We all have lies that haunt our thinking. I’m too fat (I prefer the term fluffy). We are failing at this or that. We aren’t good enough. Or in my case, we don’t have anything left to offer.
In this book, the author breaks each chapter down by a lie that we may be telling ourselves (and trust me, we can all relate with at least one of them). She is a gifted writer who makes reading her book contagious as you find yourself wanting to hear the end of her stories. Before you know it…you’ve finished the book! A valuable tool she’s applied to each of her chapters is at the end putting a “Things That Helped Me” section. Here she basically summarizes the moral of her stories and gives very helpful times on things that helped her face such lies and even insights as to hindsight 20/20 what she wishes she would have done to help her through such challenges.
After reading this book, it’s lessons learned can be implemented (no five year plan or business plan proposal needed). A few things that helped me:
Working on trying NOT to compare myself. Being a single, divorced mother of two children and working in an industry that is not viewed by some as being successful, I have to constantly remind myself that we can’t control others choices that led me here, that I am persevered through much and my circumstances have actually strengthened me, and that God is providing for me and my children exactly where I am. Stereotypes are out there, yes, but if they truly knew what I’ve accomplished, who I am, and my heart’s desires…they wouldn’t just at all. So why judge myself based on others perspectives? The author’s valuable insight here is “by NOT being where you thought you should be, you will end up exactly where you’re MEANT to go.” Now that’s food for thought.
Being careful with my commitments. I’m getting SO much better at saying “No” and letting that be my answer. Not feeling like I either need to do what is being asked nor feeling like they deserve an explanation if I choose not to do something.
Policing myself. Trying to be careful of my facial expressions, sounds, and even thoughts that may come across as judgmental. You know…when you see that child screaming in the store and you wonder “Why are the parents letting them behave like that?” And unbeknownst to you your face is making a weird cringed up expression as if you are casting judgmental spells upon the parent? Ya, that one. Truly the one I actually judge is MYSELF. As the author so wisely points out “our own negative self-talk can be more damaging than the emotional abuse heaped on us by a hateful person.” Wow!
Cutting myself some slack. Oh how this applies in EVERY area of my life. As the author points out, “There is beauty in the chaos.”
However, they are things you may have to continue to tell yourself, lies that Satan has worked on us for years or situations that have happened in our lives that leave their battle scar. But as the author so honestly put, “Nothing that lasts is accomplished quickly.” Fear is often what is behind our choices and therefore affects our decisions and outcomes. Just as John 8:32 reminds us “the truth will set you free”, perhaps those lies that try to dirty you up just might get a bit of cleansing in your life and finally set you free as this author reminds you, Girl, Wash Your Face.
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““But if she didn’t fight against the fear, if she didn’t allow the change to turn her into her true self, we would never know how beautiful she is. She would never know that she was meant to fly.””